


cough it out

by bpddennis



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Domestic Boyfriends, Drinking, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, dennis and mac bein each others kryptonite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 08:57:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13701171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bpddennis/pseuds/bpddennis
Summary: [and oh, cant you see?i am delusional with lovei am delusional with lovei am delusional with love]





	cough it out

**Author's Note:**

> i really really dont know where i was going with this? i think its just meant to be the progression of mac and dennis learning to accept help from one another, and accepting it more as romantic instead of platonic!! and thus a random drabble turned into this lmao

there's only so many times where dennis can look at himself in the mirror and see a "golden god". 

so there's bound to be even more times where he looks in the mirror and wants to throw up at the reflection mocking him back.

it's never good enough.  
it's not a reflection he wants to see. no matter how much he fasts, no matter how much concealer he puts on, it can never be enough.

mac walks into their bathroom one morning and sees dennis pinching the skin around his bicep. fine, it's fair to say dennis isn't as slim as he was when they'd mess around in high school. but dennis is anything but fat, anything but imperfect to mac.

mac eyes dennis' bicep; he sees all the crescent shaped indents trailing the skin, all the marks where dennis harshly critiques himself.  
mac gently takes hold of dennis' wrist and puts a halt to the self-harm.

"you've got nice biceps, den," mac says softly. dennis glares at himself in the mirror. mac wants to break the glass. mac wants to break all of dennis' insecurities. 

dennis wears a button up with a heavy sweater over it to work that day. he's still pinching at himself, still, still, through the two layers of material. mac doesn't comment on it. 

 

 

mac's sifting through various old photos he still has. a lot of them are stored away at his mom's house, but he's made sure to steal his favorites, or maybe what used to be his favorites.  
he's in the apartment, in the living room, the few pictures sprawled across the carpeted floor. every time he eyes them, he feels a knife collide with his spine. 

mac doesn't do this often. 

there's one, faded and stained with something mac doesn't question, and mac's dad has him perched on his lap. mac's flexing his skinny arms. he's smiling, multiple teeth missing.  
mac lets himself cry, maybe sob, over something so innocent that no longer resides in him.

dennis crouches down next to him. he's immediately, but gently, taking mac's face in his palms, whispering all kinds of sweet nothings that should make mac feel better.

it just doesn't. dennis' love can't replace the love his dad never wanted to give. 

it's all a fabrication. and now any love presented to mac seems that way. 

"i'm not gonna be how he was to you." dennis promises. he always says this. one day, mac swears, he will believe dennis. 

"prove it."

mac assumes dennis is working on it, every single day. and so far, he hasn't let mac down. it's irrelevant. 

 

 

dennis locks the bathroom door.  
mac doesn't ever question it. dennis likes getting ready by himself, and prefers to not be bothered during the process. 

but it's nearing 2 am, and mac has to pee, and what's taking him so long?

dennis emerges and mac uses the bathroom finally. 

mac never questions anything dennis leaves out, tonight, it's a boxcutter. but mac won't question it.

mac crawls into bed with dennis later. he's rubbing dennis softly where he knows will put him at ease, where he knows will make him sleepy. 

when mac gets to dennis' arm, dennis pulls back and nearly hisses. so mac just rubs his back until he hears dennis snoring contently. 

when mac sees ugly pink lines on dennis' wrist the next day at the bar, he doesn't ask. he just never asks. 

but the next night, when they go to bed, mac just kisses dennis' wrists, although they're hidden by a long sleeved shirt, and a ratty hoodie. mac kisses through the materials and something in dennis' heart screams. he thinks it's a good feeling. he ignores the swelling in his chest and drifts to sleep, mac's warm breath on his neck.

 

 

mac's so drunk it's almost hysterical. dee and charlie sure think it's a blast. but something about having to drag mac home, who contains way more mass than dennis is usually capable of lifting, just seems like such an annoying chore.  
"c'mon, mac, just get in the car, and then we'll be in bed." dennis pleads. dennis buckles mac in the passenger seat, and makes sure to place a soft kiss on the side of mac's sweaty forehead. it's not a big deal.  
it's quite the task having to drag mac into their apartment. and it's even more of a task to strip him out of his casual wear, his shoes.  
it's a task to sit with him while he slowly drinks half a cup of water with an advil. ("i don't wanna, den." "you never want to. do it." so mac does).

it's a task, yet dennis never minds. he always does it.  
he makes sure mac's on his side, and goes to fetch a trashcan, just in case. he places it next to the nightstand on mac's side.  
he gets in next to him and draws his finger tips up and down mac's bare arm. 

"you're so good t' me, den," mac slurs.  
dennis always smiles. he has to. how could he not? but it's not a big deal. he insists, it's whatever.  
but he grins into mac's shoulder.  
"only the best for you, baby," dennis purrs to mac. but mac's already sound asleep, probably drooling on his pillow. 

 

 

the first time mac and dennis sleep together, like actually, lube and all sleep together, it's odd. and dennis doesn't wanna talk about it. dennis cries into his pillow after he thinks mac has been asleep for an hour. mac turns over, instantly, and is engulfing dennis; wrapping his arms around him and pulling him flush against him.  
dennis tries to wipe his eyes dry, but mac's got a firm hold all around him. dennis just accepts that this is supposed to happen. right now, mac needs to be holding him, and that's okay. in the morning, he'll pretend it didn't happen. 

but mac's really good at knowing where to press delicate kisses, where to soothingly rub, and the perfect things to murmur into dennis' ear. 

dennis just pretends it all doesn't mean the entire universe to him.  
the next morning the two sit at the kitchen table with coffee, like usual. dennis contemplates how much he hates the bruises decorating mac's neck. maybe he doesn't hate them all. maybe they're pretty, and maybe, just maybe they've come from a place of love - not from something to feel validated. 

maybe sex isn't something just used for validation and ego and self worth.  
dennis asks if they can fuck again to see if anything changes.

and mac holds him again, and dennis stays firm in his belief - maybe sex isn't just destruction. maybe. he doesn't confide in mac about it. 

 

 

it's a quiet winter night, a few days before christmas. dennis has his head in mac's lap. the late night news is on, but neither of them are really paying attention. they're both in and out of quick lapses of sleep. mac keeps a hand in dennis' curls, just absentmindedly roaming through them. 

"den?" mac asks gently. dennis' eyes are closed, but he's definitely awake. 

"mm?" he snuggles deeper into the warmth of mac. something in mac's chest tightens. 

"when i'm with you, i think - " he pauses. "i think it's the happiest i could ever be. like, i could win a gazillion dollars, but just being next to you would feel, like, way more better than that, you know?" he says it so softly. any louder, any bolder, or stronger, and dennis would have told him to fuck off, to stop talking about his feelings to him.

but mac says it just soft enough...

"yeah. i know. me too." dennis opens his eyes. he turns over from his side, so he's lying on his back, and looks up at mac. mac's looking down at him, and he swears he sees the rest of his life. the rest of his miserable, depressing, awful, loving, giddy, adventurous, lucky life. 

mac just smiles. dennis doesn't want him to say anything else, and that's okay, because in that moment, mac knows he has the rest of that life to say what he has to say to dennis.

**Author's Note:**

> the song is extremely macdennis - go check it out!!
> 
> cough it out / the front bottoms
> 
> thanks for reading, it means a lot! xx


End file.
